Amy Morrison and Valerie Plowman share their parenting tips for sleep-training babies and teaching them how to self-soothe.
Amy Morrison
Founder, Pregnant Chicken
How would you describe your parenting style?
I’d say my parenting style is fairly easygoing.
How has COVID-19 impacted or changed your parenting style?
I would say it has definitely made me more relaxed about rules — especially screen time.
What are some of the biggest challenges you have faced when sleep-training your baby?
AM: Staying consistent. Decisions I make at noon are second guessed at 3:00am.
VP: My first baby was not a natural sleeper. He hated sleep. We had all sorts of challenges. I had many nights that he didn’t sleep a minute all night long, so neither did I. That was rough. That said, sleep training can be very emotionally taxing. I think one of the hardest things is simply the unknown. If you knew you only needed to work at it for seven days, and then your baby would definitely be sleeping well, you could do it. Even if you knew it would take 21 days, you could do it. The difficulty comes from the unknown. Will it take two days or two months for baby to start sleeping well? Will baby ever start sleeping well? The unknown is a huge challenge.
How would you describe your sleep-training method what would it be?
I took a very gentle, flexible approach to sleep training. It’s not for everyone, but it worked for us.
Do the same techniques in sleep training work for every baby, or did each of your children have different needs?
My children were very different when it came to sleep. I had one child who hated falling asleep alone and another who loved sleeping in the dark with the door closed. They are wired very differently when it comes to sleep habits.
What’s one thing that moms can do tonight to help their little ones sleep better?
AM: Consistency is key with establishing a bedtime routine, and even something as simple as singing or humming the same song a few times can be an effective cue that gets the message across. It’s one of the easiest sleep training tips out there.
What does it mean to self-soothe and what are some techniques for self-soothing?
AM: Self-soothing is giving your baby the tools to fall asleep on their own. Establishing a consistent routine and environment helps your baby recognize the cues for sleep.
VP: Self-soothing is the ability to fall asleep unassisted. This is critical to having your baby sleep well. Babies transition through sleep cycles every 45 minutes, so if the baby happens to come to full alertness at that 45-minute mark, but can’t fall asleep independently, then baby will be calling out for help. There are many ways to help a baby learn to self-soothe.
Valerie Plowman
Founder, Babywise Mom
How would you describe your parenting style?
The best word to describe my parenting style is authoritative. Authoritative parents are intentional in their parenting. They set rules and enforce them, but also explain the why behind them so kids can learn to apply them in context. They take into account extenuating circumstances when rules are broken. I always try to be present with my kids, be there for my kids, and allow my kids to make decisions and mistakes. The goal is for them to graduate high school and be able to go beyond life at home with confidence and capability to succeed.
How has COVID-19 impacted or changed your parenting style?
It hasn’t changed my core, but it has allowed me to step back and look at how our actions are supporting or hindering our goals. Life very quickly and very easily gets away from you, and it is easy to find yourself spending time doing things — even good things — that don’t meet your goals. Two of our four children are teenagers, so I viewed all of that time we had together as extra bonus time. This was a rare gift for parents of teens.
What are some of the biggest challenges you have faced when sleep-training your baby?
After four children, my favorite sleep training method is called the “four s’s.” It was created by Tracy Hogg, author of “The Baby Whisperer.” I used this method with my two youngest children, and it was like magic. It is no-cry, but it still is a method where baby learns to sleep independently. This is huge. With this method, you watch for your baby to be ready to sleep, you swaddle your baby, you hold your baby until you feel your baby relax, and then you put your baby down for her nap or bedtime.
Do the same techniques in sleep training work for every baby, or did each of your children have different needs?
I did things differently with my children, but that was more about the evolution of me as a parent than about the needs of each baby. For example, babies have different abilities to stay awake. I call this waketime length. Some babies need very short waketime lengths, others need a little longer waketime lengths, and still others are pretty average. Getting waketime length down is absolutely key to a baby sleeping well.