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Teen Health and Safety

Tips for Communicating With Your Teen

Experts discuss common misconceptions about teens, as well as how to talk to them about mental health, sex and safety.

Gale Saler, LCPC, CRC-MAC, CAI-II, CIP

Founder and CEO, NorthStar Academy

What is the biggest misconception of teenagers today?

There’s a perception that our teens are lackadaisical — about school, jobs, relationships, futures. Teens see some truth in this but posit that parental and personal stress can cause them to shut down. They advise parents to validate their feelings, respect concerns and fears, and not to go into “fixer” mode. Too much fixing leads to learned helplessness and low self-esteem.

How can parents have effective conversations about topics like mental health, addiction, sex and distracted driving?

Advice from teens to parents about the hard conversations: go into the discussion without a preset agenda and expected outcome. Tell the truth even if it’s difficult. Start with a question, not a statement or accusation. Be open to having different opinions, and understand that teens may not appear receptive but are probably listening, so keep the dialogue open.

How can we instill a culture of health and safety in our teens?

Our teens live in a complex, often confusing world of academic expectations, shifting peer loyalties, and a social media environment that often makes them feel less safe. A good practice is to teach our teens to communicate — to trust that they’ll be heard no matter how difficult the message, and that they’ll be loved and guided through whatever they may face.

Dr. Victor Schwartz

Chief Medical Officer, JED Foundation

What is the biggest misconception of teenagers today?

Many people believe that today’s teens are hesitant to share their feelings and concerns with others. We have actually seen a significant increase in openness to discussions and expressing concern among young people in recent years. We should continue to encourage this helpful trend. Another misconception is that teens are unaware of problems in their friends. In fact, many young people are aware when their friends may be struggling but are unsure what to do. We can help provide the tools and confidence to reach out when a friend is in distress.

How can parents have effective conversations about topics like mental health, addiction, sex and distracted driving?

It can be awkward to discuss many of these issues “head on.” It’s helpful to be strategic about these conversations. Watch a TV show or a movie together and use this as an opportunity to discuss a topic raised by the show. Try to have dinner together as regularly as possible and again, find the chance to talk about issues as they arise naturally. It is much easier when these issues come up in the course of normal conversation and interaction.

How can we instill a culture of health and safety in our teens?

Teaching kids to be aware of their health (including sleep, nutrition and exercise), to take increasing amount of responsibility for these issues as they mature and weaving emotional awareness, self control, values, concern for others and encouraging an attitude of gratitude can take you very far. Remember that while it may be a cliché, your actions as a parents and a person have more impact than what you say. It is important for kids to have solid and real role models. This includes expressing your feelings and admitting your mistakes.

Mel Taylor

President and Chief Executive Officer, Splitsecnd

What is the biggest misconception of teenagers today?

Our teens are not necessarily enjoying what appears to be a happy and fulfilling social life, and despite the impression they paint of being a popular part of multiple group chats, Instagram, and Snapchat, much of this is as a result of the pressure to participate. Teach them to ask themselves ‘What’s in it for me?’ over and over until they get down to one word. When they know what their root reason is for their actions they can find it easier to decide if that is what they truly want.

How can parents have effective conversations about topics like mental health, addiction, sex and distracted driving?

Adults tend to value face-to-face communication, but the best conversations with teens often happen when there’s no eye contact. When you want to create an open, non-threatening space for you and your teen, do something together. Try planting flowerpots, making holiday decorations, or sorting through old photos, which can naturally ​spark topics of conversation.

How can we instill a culture of health and safety in our teens?

Best practices mean good habits, and these form through repetition. From an early age encourage your teen to STOP — Sit with a decision that needs to made and don’t rush it. Think of what they want to achieve, what is the best outcome. Observe their options, their feelings and trust their instincts. Plan for success, and decide what steps are needed to meet the goal. 

Joel Feldman

Founder, EndDD

What is the biggest misconception of teenagers today?

Adults unjustly malign teens, often referring to them as “selfish and entitled.” When adults focus on how teens negatively influence each other, they ignore how generous and caring teens can be. To empower teens we need to talk about the incredible power teens have to positively influence each other.

How can parents have effective conversations about topics like mental health, addiction, sex and distracted driving?

“Dad, I love you, but every time you give me advice when I don’t ask for it, I feel resentful and that you don’t believe that I can make good decisions. Can’t we just talk without you telling me what to do all the time?” When my 17-year-old son told me this I realized I needed to listen more than speak.

How can we instill a culture of health and safety in our teens?

Health and safety are about valuing and respecting ourselves and others who may be impacted by our choices. We don’t drive drunk but we will text and tweet while driving with our kids watching. The importance of parents in consistently modeling safe behaviors for their children cannot be overstated.

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