After personal tragedy and witnessing the lasting impact of emotional suppression, Dr. Justin Puder is helping men find strength in vulnerability.
What inspired you to become a therapist, and how did your own experiences with mental health shape that decision?
My dad dying from cancer and my brother from a drug overdose are the main reasons I felt pulled to become a therapist. I grew up in the 90s in Ohio, where mental health wasn’t a thing. No one ever mentioned the words “anxiety,” “trauma,” or “depression.” Unfortunately, my brother had undiagnosed bipolar disorder and was constantly getting in trouble when he had bouts of mania. He would be in and out of juvenile detention, getting kicked out of every school he went to, and I always wondered why we were so different despite having the same parents and growing up in the same house. He didn’t receive a diagnosis until he was much older and had spent most of his life being treated as the “bad kid.” I know there are so many of us out there who are misunderstood and, with the right help, could have a different path forward.
What are the most common emotional struggles you see men dealing with in therapy?
Men often struggle with recognizing their own emotional truth because of how men are socialized. We are taught and encouraged to “work hard” and “be logical” and to treat emotions as a weakness. This often leads us as men to limit ourselves in relationships because we are not authentic. We hide parts of ourselves and show only the ones that fit with society’s definition of masculine. This can create a lot of depression and isolation because there is no room for what you feel in this limited scope of “being a man.” The liberation and growth I see from men when they are allowed to be authentic with all their emotions is one of the most rewarding experiences to witness as a therapist.
How can we redefine strength and masculinity in a way that supports mental well-being?
We have to make room for all our emotions and live more authentically. There are few things stronger than a person who can freely express their emotions as they arise and move through them. We also have to recognize the messages we convey to men, especially young men. If we don’t broaden the scope of masculinity for the next generation and allow them to see there is no one way “to be a man,” then we put the next generation in the same box, which is anything but authentic.
What motivated you to bring mental health conversations to platforms like TikTok and Instagram?
When I had the privilege to be in grad school, I would constantly say to myself, “Dang, I wish I had known this sooner!” I knew I wanted to share the education I was fortunate enough to get with the public. Part of it is my own trauma healing from my brother’s passing, and wondering, “What if he had this information?” Another part of it is my own self-expression, trying to normalize therapists as real, flawed people who are growing and adapting like everybody else. I want people to know they aren’t alone and there are ways to grow and better our mental health, no matter how bad it feels right now.
What are some small, daily habits men can start implementing to improve their mental health?
Becoming more authentic with our emotions is often like learning a foreign language for men. You have to practice, and it often does not feel natural! But pausing each evening and asking ourselves, “What did I experience today emotionally?” and reflecting on our day can be a powerful way to strengthen our emotional awareness. I often encourage people to use an emotional chart and try to get specific about how they felt as they review each part of their day. When we can name our emotional truth, we can then ask ourselves, “What was I needing (if anything) in that moment, and what (if anything) could help me now?” Sometimes what we really need is someone to hear us and see us, because there is no “fix.” Authentically connecting with friends, family, co-workers, and our partners over our emotions is a path toward better mental health and away from isolation.
