Watching someone we care about struggle with addiction is tough. But don’t lose hope and don’t give up – recovery is possible!
Helping a loved one with addiction can feel overwhelming. Addiction is a serious medical condition caused by a combination of genes, environment, and life experiences. People with addiction keep using drugs even when it hurts them. But, as with other diseases, there is reason to hope!
For decades, the medical community has enhanced its guidelines on how to treat people with addiction. The FDA has three approved medications for treating addiction to opioids. These medications are equally as effective as medications used to treat other chronic diseases, like diabetes. This year, leading experts in addiction treatment published the 4th edition of The ASAM Criteria®, including updated guidelines for treating addiction. Based on solid research, these guidelines change people’s lives.
However, even with this knowledge, we may still face a universal question: how can I help?
Let me tell you about something amazing: “tough love.” One of my patients had parents who thought of “tough love” as never giving up on their child. When things got tough, his parents held him accountable. They ensured he had appropriate consequences for his misdeeds, current or inevitable. But they also made sure their son knew, by word and by deed, that they would never stop helping him overcome his addiction. They knew how much it was hurting him, and they stuck by him. There was simply no “quit” in them.
And – guess what? Now, my patient, whose addiction had led to him dropping out of college, has been in recovery for several years and has recently graduated from law school. I can’t predict the future, but it looks like he’s going to make it. It’s not easy to love someone suffering from addiction. That’s why it’s tough love. But pouring out that love makes all the difference in the world. My patient has a very good chance of making it to long term healing because of it.
This approach is supported by an important principle in the most current proposed medical guidelines for treating addiction in adolescents:
“Effective treatment and recovery often require building or rebuilding communication and conflict resolution skills and trust between the adolescent patients and their families and other support systems.”
Here’s my translation of the principle: talk to your loved one, but do not enable their addiction. Your job is to help them get help when they’re ready. That means no giving money without knowing what it’s for. Set rules and talk things out. Don’t let them treat you badly, but if you can, stick by them and show love. When they trust you, they’re more likely to ask for help when they need it. And that’s where you come in – making sure they see a doctor or counselor who can help them get better.
It’s critical for both you and your loved one to seek support. Don’t carry all the weight on your own. Talk to a professional who can help. They’ll teach you important ways to communicate and understand each other better. You’ll get the support you need, learn valuable skills, and strengthen your bond with your loved one.
Tough love isn’t easy. That’s why they call it “tough.” You NEVER give up. Recovery from addiction is a marathon, not a sprint, and it will take your time and patience.
If your loved one has been in treatment nine times and has had a recurrence of drug use after each one, you do everything in your power to get them into treatment a tenth time. Do it differently – look at what went wrong during or after previous treatment episodes, mistakes that might have contributed to a recurrence or a poor outcome. By all means, try again! Never stop trying. Never give up. It’s the right thing to do. But most importantly, don’t do it alone.
